Every relationship is unique and while there is no perfect marriage out there, sometimes there is a lack of effort from both sides. Marriage is a beautiful union built on love, respect, trust, and some other amazing qualities, but it is important to note that it comes with its own smooth and yet bumpy rides. Irrespective of how deep the connection between you and your partner may be, there would be fights, misunderstandings, frustrating and difficult times together. All these do not necessarily account for an unhealthy marriage, it just speaks volumes of the differences between you both and that’s very normal.
For a relationship to stand the test of time, there must be deliberate efforts put in place to ensure that such a relationship is maintained and this must involve both partners. We all watched fairy tale movies, didn’t we? Every woman desires to have relationships such as that, but let’s leave that for the movies and face reality right here. The truth is that every healthy and long-term relationship doesn’t just happen; it requires a lot of effort from both partners.
If at least the same effort or maybe more is not reciprocated from either you or him, your relationship would eventually grow apart. Putting in efforts would therefore mean he is going out of his way to make you happy. He’s not just making promises; he keeps to them. He is taking responsibility and actions where necessary, and you’re doing the same too.
Although sometimes it is possible to mistake some normal behavioral attitudes as “lack of efforts” on your husband’s part and so you may want to know the signs that indicate that your relationship is suffering from a lack of effort before drawing out conclusions first and I want to make this very simple for you. I’d be listing out signs that show that your relationship is suffering from a lack of effort from your husband and how you can handle them.
So what Are the Signs That Shows My Relationship is Suffering From Lack of Efforts, and How Can I Handle them?
When he doesn’t spend enough time with you.
Spending adequate time together is crucial. I get that sometimes the busy work life, the added attention and care for the children, the need to meet family needs, and a lot more factors can get in the way of your relationship. In fact, as a couple, you may not always spend every waking moment together with your partner, but you and your partner need to understand that your topmost priority should be your relationship. “How do we make it work?” Teamwork is essential, and both partners must be committed to ensuring that the relationship is maintained to avoid fizzling out.
So how do you handle this?
It’s simple. Maybe at this point, he probably must have been coming up with lots and lots of excuses on why he hasn’t been so much available. Legitimate or not, you don’t have to sulk but rather play your part, and what’s that?
You may have to, first of all, have a very calm conversation with him. Let him know how you feel when you guys don’t spend enough time together. Tell him what you want to experience together with him, like a movie night, a vacation, etc. Let him know specifically. Express yourself in the calmest way possible. If he’s not doing anything about that, you can plan out situations where you can spend time together. Just be very thoughtful but respect his feelings too. It may have been a bad day at work or a financial crisis that made him withdraw a little, find out what the problem is and address it calmly.
When he doesn’t remember the little but yet most important things that matter to you.
As a woman, you love to be pampered. Yes, every woman loves it too. For you, the most important thing may not be the expensive cars, the good morning texts, the money he sends to you but perhaps maybe the customized gift cards on your birthdays, the flowers he brings to the bed every morning, or the breakfast in bed he brings to you while you are still sleeping; those beautiful morning kisses, nice dresses, the surprise parties he pulls up for you and the list continues. Although they may appear little but yet they mean a lot to you.
So what happens when he doesn’t do any of these anymore? What do you do?
First, don’t take it too personally but rather get to know the reason for the behavior change. You may need to take a step backward to evaluate the cause of the sudden behavior change. Taking a step backward would mean that rather than confronting him about it first, look at it objectively, evaluate your expectations. “Are these still very logical or even important at this point in our relationship?” And if that’s not the case, you may need to communicate how you feel about it with him sincerely. Sometimes even small conversations like this can open the doors to meaningful discussions with your spouse. So go for it, baby girl!
When he is less polite than before.
Every relationship should be built on mutual respect. If one party is not reciprocating that, then it’s only a matter of time, that relationship would fade out. The moment he starts putting up some cheesy attitude and is no longer polite with his requests, then that is a glaring red flag that something is wrong. If the case is such that he is all about fulfilling his sexual desires not regarding how you feel or what you want, or he’s rude to you when your friends or his are present, you shouldn’t act like everything is fine.
So what do you do? How do you handle that?
First, you don’t keep quiet and expect him to change, especially when he does it recurrently. Again, you don’t want to put your spouse on the defensive, and so you may want to discuss what you enjoy about your sex life when you’re both relaxed and less busy. You may want to talk about how you intend on satisfying him even better than you used to when he does this and that for you in the bedroom too. See, you need to understand that translucency is very essential when you’re trying to work your relationship discrepancies out. You’ve got to be very specific about what kind of sex you want to have and how often. That is just by the way, though.
In whatever way he’s being impolite or rude to you, talk to him about it. Ensure that you discuss the subject when you’re both relaxed and happy. If he speaks rudely to you in front of his friends, don’t lash out at him right there; wait till it’s just the both of you and talk about it. Communication is key where relationship matters are concerned.
When you’re not receiving adequate emotional support from him.
The thought of not having enough emotional support from your husband can be quite overwhelming and relapsing. While taking crucial decisions that commensurate to your personal growth, which may even benefit the Family, you expect that your husband is very supportive of your stance and decisions.
But what happens when this isn’t how it plays out? What do you do about this lack of effort on your husband’s part?
Well, sometimes, this may even be a lack of effort on your part too. It is so easy to assume that you know so much about your partner, and that’s fine by you. But that may not be true! The fact that you’ve been together with your husband for ten years and more doesn’t mean you know every single detail about your husband. This may be an aspect he’s not so good at, and so you don’t want to just pinpoint the problem and call it a “lack of effort” on his part. He may not be so good at giving out advice. So you should learn to respect his differences. Understanding that you can’t change him and so rather than complaining about what he is not doing right, celebrate his differences, and accept him for who he is.
When he becomes less intimate with you.
We understand that sex is not the only thing that makes up a marriage, but it is an integral part of it. Both partners’ sexual desires should be fully met, else one or both partners might look elsewhere, which can destroy the relationship. Both couples deserve happiness, and that happiness may require some extra effort.
So how do you handle this?
Just like I stated earlier, communicating your desires and preferences is very fundamental. When you fail to express your feelings, it will bring about animosity and that’s unhealthy for your relationship. Who knows if he has been dealing with some issues you do not even know about? Maybe he’s been stressed lately at work. The only way you can find out is if you discuss it.
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Also, you shouldn’t at this point behave less kindly to him. You can do the little things that make him feel loved and appreciated. Go the extra mile to make him smile; you never can tell what would spur him to do better.